Needled

A new verb has been added to my vocabulary, needled! I officially began acupuncture today. My parents have been my biggest fans, and due to their wonderful love and support have gifted me funds to begin my treatment. Currently we are not covered for infertility services and with my husband in grad school, funding service through our doctor have been put on hold. Until the time we have infertility coverage, we have only been able to go about having a baby the old fashioned way. As you may have guessed, it has not been successful.

Thus, began a conversation in which my mom insisted that they would begin funding my acupuncture treatments in order to increase my odds while we are in health insurance limbo. I immediately teared up on the phone, I finally felt like I could be proactive with our circumstances. In addition, I was so touched, but not surprised, my parents have always put their children first. I know how much I have been in their thoughts and prayers, grateful for their silent support. My mom told me that they have held their tongues, knowing what a painful ride this has been and that any "checking-in" questions added to the suffering. Now that a year has past, it was time, and my parents were ready to take action. (THANK YOU!)

I was not at all nervous leading up to the appointment, I added it to my calendar and that was that. I didn't know what to expect and did feel a bit anxious as I sat in the waiting room. It just felt good to be moving forward. I was pleased to find out how comprehensive the questioning was, how integrated our body really is. You know it is, but eastern medicine really drives it home. To mention the purpose of the visit, being needled doesn't feel good and can be very uncomfortable. After all the needles are in and settled there is a wave of calm that rushes over you. I will note there were a few difficult sticks, but in my mind that was confirmation I was where I needed to be.

Thank you to my mom and dad for helping us with our journey to become parents!

Throwing out the bathwater.

Over the Christmas holiday I was fertile, GREAT! We were staying with his parents and grandmother with all 3 bedrooms connected with us right smack int eh middle. Are you kidding me?? The stress level was high, my emotions strong and with a year since my first and last conception I had a lot riding on this month of trying. Needless to say this is not at all sexy or a turn on to anyone, especially my husband. My expectations and hopes were taking over and sabotaged our efforts. The conclusion: STOP! Stop tacking love making sessions, delete my period tracker app, stop thinking about my past pregnancy, stop setting uncontrollable deadlines, stop testing for ovulation, stop thinking!

It is amazing how much lighter you feel when you take some of the balls out of the air. I began to enjoy my time, my husband, his family and appreciate what I already had. Turns out this our sex life improved tremendously! That has been the biggest hurdle, you know the timing is right, but with all the calculating the fun and intimacy have left the building. Taking the pressure off has helped. I am still on prenatal vitamins and chaste-berry, but everything else is stopped, and I feel relieved and a new found hope.